This aspect generates strong initial attraction but can lead to friction as the relationship progresses. It’s an aspect that can generate strong sexual chemistry but also deep interpersonal tensions. Their undeniable attraction combined with a deep potential for friction can either strengthen their overall bond or tear these partners apart.
In this article, I’ll explain what each person tends to see in the other, the strengths and challenges of this aspect, and tips to navigate this energy. I’ll also share examples from my practice.
What the Mars Person Sees in the Ascendant Person
The Ascendant rules our physical appearance and self-expression, so the Mars person feels magnetically drawn to the way the Ascendant person presents themselves. The Mars person is drawn to the Ascendant person’s physical appearance and finds them exciting. They consider the Ascendant person attractive, energetic, and exciting to be around.
However, as the relationship progresses, the Mars person starts seeing flaws and becomes critical of the Ascendant person’s looks and lifestyle choices. The Mars person may decide the Ascendant person is aimless or making poor choices regarding their image and identity. They can offer advice from a place of care but also criticism that feels controlling or belittling.
The Mars person may have a strong sense of how the Ascendant person should live their life and what they should achieve career-wise. The Mars person feels the Ascendant person is aimless and wasting their potential. There can be a tendency for the Mars person to diminish or override the Ascendant person’s goals and plans. Unfortunately, their attempts to push or direct the Ascendant person often come across as rude, disruptive, and not well-received.
What the Ascendant Person Sees in the Mars Person
Initially, the Ascendant person finds the Mars person’s bold energy to be thrilling. Mars radiates assertion and grit—qualities that draw the Ascendant person out of their shell. The Ascendant feels stimulated and has fun with the Mars person. They feel a strong physical and sexual attraction.
As James described, “Melissa is so bold and adventurous, I loved planning active dates, traveling. It brought me out of my comfort zone in an exhilarating way.”
Over time, though, they can begin feeling the Mars person is too bossy and aggressive. The relationship moves fast as the Mars person takes charge and pushes for more intimacy. The Ascendant can person perceive the Mars person’s criticisms about their looks, plans, and ideas as bullying attempts to undermine their individuality. James continued, “But her blunt demands wear me down. I don’t mind stepping up, trying new things, but on her terms only. She doesn’t accept me for who I am.” Arguments often erupt over the Mars person’s forceful approach to problem-solving versus the Ascendant person’s sensitivities.
As my client Sarah explained, “Ryan was so assertive, I found his confidence totally sexy. But now, he nitpicks my hair, clothes, and even how I decorate my apartment. I feel like I can’t make a move without judgment.”
Aspect Strengths
While clashes can occur, Mars square Ascendant connections aren’t doomed to disaster. In fact, this hot dynamic fuels growth for both parties.
The Mars person leads the shyer Ascendant person to uncover hidden talents and embark on exciting adventures. The Mars person may learn valuable humility and meeting halfway, while the typically flexible Ascendant person learns to stand their ground.
This is often written off as a “sexy but disastrous” match, but that simmering tension sustains chemistry over time. When leveraged well, Mars helps the Ascendant person actively create their destiny while the Ascendant teaches Mars sensitivity and adaptability.
Aspect Challenges
Mars desires control; Ascendant craves harmony. Tug-of-war episodes can unfold with Mars steamrolling Ascendant’s boundaries. The Ascendant person often feels stifled by Mars’ rigid expectations. Mars sees Ascendant as lacking direction. Misaligned priorities breed resentment.
Mars doesn’t mince words while Ascendant avoids conflict until they explode. Hurtful arguments can leave permanent damage without repair efforts. Over time, bossy critiques diminish Ascendant’s self-esteem, and the initial spark fades.
Without consciously navigating these trouble spots, relationships with this dynamic aspect often implode.
Tips for the Mars Person
If you have Mars square your partner’s Ascendant, leverage your leadership energy to inspire your partner, not to dominate them.
Avoid critiquing your partner’s appearance, image, or creative expression. Understand it’s how they radiate their essence. Support their autonomy and applaud their originality. Before dishing unsolicited advice, ask yourself: “Is this helpful or am I asserting my ego’s perspective?”
In arguments, it’s tempting to bulldoze your partner’s position. Instead, welcome healthy conflict as an opportunity to understand your differences and strengthen cooperation more deeply. Did you blurt blunt criticism or make a tactless joke? Be accountable by genuinely apologizing for the hurt caused by emotional attunement. Don’t justify poor behavior.
To avoid resentment, brainstorm shared goals where your and your partner’s needs are met rather than battling for supremacy or withdrawing. Discover paths aligning values and priorities through open communication and a spirit of goodwill.
Tips for the Ascendant Person
Don’t stuff down resentments or anger down until they erupt. Healthily express your boundaries early and often to establish mutual care, respect, and teamwork. Say no before simmering resentment poisons the well.
During conflicts, avoid appeasing domineering behaviors through passive aggression or withdrawal. Stonewalling or score-keeping just adds to the tension. State your case clearly, then give space for processing before problem-solving collaboratively. Don’t abandon your needs or values; uphold your bottom line while also hearing Mars’ perspective. Consider cooling off separately, then reconnect, working to repair ruptures quickly before small hurts solidify into permanent rifts.
Rather than hand your power over to a critical Mars partner who makes you feel “less than,” cultivate confidence through creative self-expression, pursuing passions, and being in community.
My Experiences Counseling Mars Square Ascendant Clients
I’ve seen many Mars square Ascendant couples struggle with fierce fights over seemingly trivial matters. The Mars person tends to dominate while the Ascendant feels dismissed and hurt aggressively.
Sue (Asc) felt Mike (Mars) was relentlessly critical about her fitness goals, looks, and cooking skills. Mike grew frustrated when Sue reacted emotionally rather than listening to his “constructive criticism.” I coached them on better communication strategies. Sue became more receptive once Mike learned to phrase suggestions as invitations rather than demands. Their fights reduced by better understanding each other’s perspective.
In another case, Tiffany (Asc) felt her boyfriend Derek (Mars) was going too far trying to “improve” her ambition and career drive. Derek wanted to see Tiffany set bolder visions for personal growth. With time and care, Derek expressed his wishes more respectfully. Meanwhile, Tiffany worked on believing in her own potential without needing external validation.
I also counseled Sara and Mike about Mike’s tendency to blow up and call Sara names over small annoyances. After an ugly scene ruined Sara’s birthday dinner, they started therapy to address Mike’s anger issues. Over time and with counseling, Mike learned to walk away and cool down rather than allow his Mars aggression to escalate.
Kia loved James’ stability initially but soon grew frustrated by his risk-aversion and exploded in hurtful criticism. I guided James to validate Kia’s viewpoint while clearly voicing his needs. Kia learned receiving James’ vulnerability dissolved her urge to badger him to “man up.” They now discuss goals calmly, aligning both sets of values.
Domineering Sam nitpicked Carrie’s already diminishing self-worth. Through counseling, Carrie recognized staying to avoid conflict enabled mistreatment so she set clear boundaries. When Sam defied those, the relationship dissolved. Carrie rediscovered her self-esteem by embracing long-dormant talents, leaving her empowered.
While a Mars square Ascendant synastry aspect presents obstacles, I’ve seen couples overcome power struggles through compromise and conscious effort. Both people must be willing to acknowledge their self-defeating patterns and make changes. With commitment and compassion, even the most fractious Mars square Ascendant relationships can evolve into peaceful harmony.
